1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,000
"How about dinner and a movie?
Gary loves spy thrillers."

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,800
Oh, great, he talks about himself
in the third person.

3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:07,960
That's a massive red flag.

4
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,960
I have actually been hired
as your area's supervisor.

5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,960
You're my supervisor?

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,960
Hey, what about that time
you gave that kid an atomic wedgie

7
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:17,960
for a full five minutes?

8
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
You strangulated
one of my testicles,

9
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,160
and I had to get it removed.

10
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,960
TYRES SCREECH

11
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,960
Fucking... hell!
I just hit a man with no pants!

12
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,960
Can you stop staring at me?
What? I'm... I'm not. Not staring.

13
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,960
What?
No, it's nothing.

14
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,800
It's just obviously, the last five
years have been very hard on you.

15
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,640
What do you mean, "obviously"?
It's pretty obvious.

16
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,960
You've changed, too.
It's been five years.

17
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,960
Yeah, but right now, I'm seeing 20.
Oh, fuck off!

18
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,960
No, honestly. You don't look
anything like I remember.

19
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,160
What's happened
in the last five years?

20
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,960
You weren't bald
last time I saw you.

21
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,480
Suddenly,
you look like some kind of,

22
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,480
I don't know, Greek sex pest.
I've grown into a man.

23
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,960
Remember when we were teenagers
and we used to dress the same

24
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:13,960
so we could pretend to be twins?

25
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,960
Yes.
That is inconceivable now.

26
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,960
Honestly, I'm not even 100% sure
you are my brother.

27
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,640
You could be a stranger,
for all I know.

28
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,960
OK, what number Arrowfield Street
did we grow up on?

29
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,320
I don't even remember.
You don't remember?

30
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,960
No.
23 Arrowfield Street?

31
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,960
What was our favourite TV show?
It's A Knockout.

32
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
The A Team.
No.

33
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,640
OK, stop the car.
I don't know who you are.

34
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:33,960
Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
Let me out.

35
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,960


36
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:41,640


37
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,640


38
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,480


39
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,960

The one you love

40
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,960


41
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,960


42
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,640


43
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:04,960
RADIO HOST:
You're not gonna believe this,

44
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,960
but we've got a great run into
the city on the M4 this morning.

45
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,960
It's just gone 8am.

46
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,960
How long the good times last
is anyone's guess.

47
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,960
Time to play
guess the blood alcohol content!

48
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,960
OK, what were you drinking,
and when was your last drink?

49
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,320
Bourbon, 2am.
Point zero, eight.

50
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,960
HE IMITATES BUZZER
Point one, two.

51
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,960
That's very high.

52
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,000
I've decided to become
a legend again, Neddy.

53
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,960
Somewhere along the way,
I forgot who I was,

54
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,960
and you reminded me
of the man I used to be.

55
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,960
You mean the boy you used to be?
We've matured a lot since...

56
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
Yeah, check this out,
check this out.

57
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,960
Hey, if you got a promotion
and moved to another city,

58
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,960
I'd move for you
and look after the kids!

59
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:46,960
That's a weird thing to say.

60
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:47,960
You've gotta be careful

61
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,160
not to yell out anything
too degrading these days.

62
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,160
Why yell out anything at all?
Nah, you gotta yell something out.

63
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,960
It's just gotta be
politically correct.

64
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960
OK. How'd she respond?

65
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,000
Ah, she gave me the finger,
which is fine.

66
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,960
She obviously
wasn't listening to the content,

67
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,960
but once they realise
we've improved the content, Neddy,

68
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,960
they'll come round,
they'll come round.

69
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,960
Here. Here, check it out.

70
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,960
Oi! I'd love to get to know you
in a non-threatening setting!

71
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,960
How'd she respond to that one?

72
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
She gave two fingers,
and she pulled a face.

73
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
But she'll soon release that
I said something nice about her,

74
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,960
and she'll feel fucking great
about herself.

75
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:18,960
Here, here's another one.

76
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,640
If you were having a spew, I'd...
Oh, bloke with a ponytail!

77
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,320
THEY LAUGH

78
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,640
RADIO HOST: Some bad news.

79
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,960
There's a multi-vehicle accident
on the M2,

80
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,800
so avoid Macquarie Park,
where two eastbound lanes...

81
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,960
Where did you learn to tie a tie,
anyway?

82
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,960
Well, before yoga,
I was a massive slut.

83
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,320
Oh, now you're just
a massive ideas thief.

84
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:41,960
TALIA SIGHS

85
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,960
OK, Simoni, I am sorry
that I stole your idea

86
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,960
to get the job
that was rightfully yours.

87
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,960
What do you want? Oh, a friend
can't just apologise to a friend?

88
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,960
Jesus! Why are you so suspicious
of me... all of a sudden?

89
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,960
I do need some intel, though, on the
dispatchers I'll be supervising.

90
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
Mm, I've been telling you about them
for seven years.

91
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
Yeah, but now I care.
I won't be a snitch.

92
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,960
Simoni, the longer I have this job,

93
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,960
the more money we have
for our yoga-wine bar.

94
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
Hey!

95
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
Come on.

96
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Yeah. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
Fine.

97
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:18,960
OK, tell me about Roger.

98
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,960
Roger is addicted to water.

99
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,160
What?
He's always taking toilet breaks,

100
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,960
and the boys say he actually
stands at the urinal pissing

101
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,640
whilst drinking a bottle of water.

102
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,640
Oh, my God, like a water feature.
Yeah, exactly.

103
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,960
OK, Connor has been staring at me.
Yeah.

104
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,960
Um, both of his eyes are glass.
Oh, shit!

105
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,960
Yeah, don't bring it up.
I... Oh, God, OK.

106
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,960
And then there's Brian,
who is a hugger. Mm-hm.

107
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,960
And Susan,
who's a 65-year-old spinster.

108
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,320
Oh, I would love to be a spinster.

109
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,960
Mm, I'd rather be
a widow or a divorcee.

110
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,960
Oh, my gosh. Divorcee.
That is so glamorous. Yeah.

111
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,960
Widowed as well. That's, like,
very noble, very powerful.

112
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,960
Mm. "Ooh, here arrives the widow
Talia. Doesn't she look stoic?"

113
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,800
"Oh, this is my friend Simoni.

114
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,960
"She's divorced,
so she's really lived a life."

115
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,960
"I've really lived."
I can't stop living."

116
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,960
"She's lived a life."
"So much."

117
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,960
OK, so, who else? Ah, Simoni.

118
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,960
Now, what kind of worker is she?
Overqualified.

119
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,960
Bad attitude. Second warning.

120
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,960
So they got the tumour out, and when
he woke up from the anaesthetic,

121
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:24,960
he realised he was gay.

122
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,640
Yeah, no... That happens
more often than you'd think.

123
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,960
They either wake up gay
or being able to speak Mandarin.

124
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,960
Hey, can you grab this package
that's just behind my...

125
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,960
I'm glad Uncle Con's happy,
but for the sake of his marriage,

126
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:37,960
it might've been better

127
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960
if he'd woken up
being able to speak Mandarin.

128
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,800
Happy birthday.
What? It's not my birthday.

129
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,960
Everyone was writing
"happy birthday" on your Facebook.

130
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,320
Oh, I use a fake birthdate
for privacy reasons.

131
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,320
Well, that's a bit harsh
on your mates, isn't it?

132
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,960
Well, my mates
know my proper birthday.

133
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,960
So I'm not one of your mates?

134
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,960
Well, we can be mates, if you want.

135
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,960
So, can I open it now,
or do I have to wait till January?

136
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,960
Maybe wait till January?
I'm not gonna get you another one.

137
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,960
Oh, no! Oh, God! I just ripped
your beautiful wrapping!

138
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,960
Oh, far out! It keeps happening!

139
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,960
I can't even... Oh!

140
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,960
Wow.

141
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,960
You painted this?
Mm-hm.

142
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,480
It's... It's lovely.

143
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:32,960
Who is it?

144
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
It's you.

145
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,480
Yeah. Yeah, it... That's me.
It's not... It's no big deal.

146
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,960
I just like painting portraits
of friends, people I know and stuff.

147
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
It's... It's not like I stayed up
all night finishing it or anything.

148
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,160
Why have I got a lazy eye?
You don't have a lazy eye.

149
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,960
Who's that artist who paints
the melted clocks?

150
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
Salvador Dali?
Yes.

151
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,960
Yes, it reminds me of him.
Thanks?

152
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
I mean, it's not
what I was going for,

153
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,960
but I'm a big fan, so I suppose...

154
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,960
No, I mean,
you made me look like Dali.

155
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,960
You've even given me
a little... little moustache.

156
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,960
Let's just forget this happened.
Just put it... No.

157
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,960
Just put it back.
No way.

158
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,960
Oh, my God.
No way, Paul. This is...

159
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,000
This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

160
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,480
Shame about the lazy eye, though.
Oh!

161
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,480
It looks like
I think I've got a fly on my nose.

162
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,640
Just put it in the back.
No, no! No. Oh!

163
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,480
Oh, the eyes are following me.
It's like the Mona Lisa.

164
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,960
If she had a moustache.
Oh, you are such a bitch.

165
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,960
And Bell's palsy.

166
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:43,960
Neddy, Neddy, Neddy, Neddy.

167
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,960
You've gotta get your head
out of your mobile apps!

168
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,960
You remember I make apps.
I'm honoured.

169
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,960
You make any money
from those fuckers or what?

170
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Yeah, I sell them
for about $10,000 a pop,

171
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,480
and then I get
30% of the back end as well.

172
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,640
Bubbler's pedalling
along nicely at the moment,

173
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,960
tells you where
the nearest drinking fountain is.

174
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,160
Then I've got WeMove,
which I'm pretty excited about.

175
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,960
WeMove. I like it. What's that,
like discount removalists?

176
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,640
Nah, tells you the best time to
go to the bathroom during a movie.

177
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,960
You get 10,000 bucks for that?

178
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,960
Yeah, plus 30% of the back end
as well, so...

179
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,480
MACCA SIGHS

180
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:16,960
Fucking how far
to the Magistrates Court?

181
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Um, another ten minutes or so.
MACCA GROANS

182
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,960
You nervous?
Yeah, I haven't been this nervous

183
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960
since Jess checked
the browser history,

184
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:25,960
searching for a recipe. Ugh!

185
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
For what?
Coq au vin.

186
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,960
Did she find it?
Yeah, kind of.

187
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,960
You know the guy that ran me over
also works at Kosciusko?

188
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,480
Pfft. What are the odds?

189
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,960
About one in 3,375.

190
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,960
I thought the female version
of Ghostbusters was awesome!

191
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,160
Response?
Doughnuts.

192
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,960
RADIO HOST: There's a five-vehicle
accident on the M4 at Holroyd,

193
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:49,960
taking out a city-bound lane.

194
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,960
Is that what you're wearing, or did
you bring a change of clothes?

195
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,960
No, this is what I'm wearing.
Why? What?

196
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Normally when people are attending
court, they make a bit of an effort.

197
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960
I have a made a...
This is an effort.

198
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Do you have a suit
that would fit me?

199
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,960
Do I have a suit that would fit you?

200
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:09,960
Yeah.
Why would I have that suit?

201
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,960
Oh, come... Yeah, right, OK.

202
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,960
Cos fatty-fatty bald cock's
in the car.

203
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,960
Yeah, right, right.
I didn't say that.

204
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,480
Do you have
any actual, like, legal advice,

205
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,960
apart from, like,
these grooming and fashion tips?

206
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
OK, so, the police
are gonna try and argue

207
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,960
that you were on the phone
and that you were distracted.

208
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,960
What we need...
I was distracted!

209
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,960
Like, a guy was naked
and just free-balled

210
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:29,960
right across this windscreen.

211
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,960
I know, I know, I know.
Calm down. You're gonna be fine.

212
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,960
You've got a $10,000-a-day silk
here for free, all right?

213
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,960
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna destroy him.

214
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,960
Also, it's probably best
not to mention that, er...

215
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,960
that we're brothers.
What? Why?

216
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,960
When we're in court,
it's just best to keep things...

217
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,160
You're ashamed, aren't you?
I'm not ashamed.

218
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,960
What, there's a law at the top...
No, there's not a law...

219
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,960
..that says brothers can't represent
brothers. It's just a technicality.

220
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,960
No, it just...
Gah!

221
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,960
It just looks bad. It muddies it.

222
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,960
OK, then, what do I call you?
Just call me Mr Bryant. Or sir.

223
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,960
I'm not gonna call you sir.
LUKAS SCOFFS

224
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,960
Why can't I accept his friendship?
Because it's too keen.

225
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,960
You may as well say,
"Let's sync iCals."

226
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,320
If you wanna go on his Facebook,
just stalk.

227
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,960
OK, I'll call him, then.
No!

228
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,960
No-one actually talks on the phone.

229
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,960
How do you talk to Vijay?
Through emoji.

230
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:30,960
Or if I'm feeling very lazy, texts.
Seriously, only losers call.

231
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,960
PHONE RINGS

232
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,160
Oh, it's him! What do I do?
Don't answer. No-one answers.

233
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,960
Just play it cool.

234
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,960
RINGING CONTINUES

235
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,480
Last time I tried to play it cool,
I conceived your sister.

236
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960
Gary!
GARY ON PHONE: 'Oh, Bridget!

237
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,960
'Are you driving?
Am I on hands-free?

238
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,960
'I'd hate for you
to have an accident.

239
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,960
'Although, I would be on hand
to call an ambulance.'

240
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,160
But I'd still be on the line.

241
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,960
'You'd have to hang up
before the moment of impact.

242
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:57,960
'Oh, no, I called you. We'd be fine.

243
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,960
'I was just wondering
if you wanted to go to

244
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,160
'the pictures with me tonight?'

245
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,480
Tonight... did you say?

246
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,960
Mm, I think I'm free.
Let me check my diary.

247
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,960
Yeah, yeah, I'm free.
'We can grab a meal after.

248
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,320
'There's a Thai place
around the corner. 3.8 on Yelp.

249
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,960
'Hey, what's your Yelp cut off?'
Um...

250
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,000
TODDLER STARTS TO CRY
Shh! Shh!

251
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,320
'Sorry, you busy?'
No, that was a dragonfly.

252
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,800
Just flew through the window.
Out! Out!

253
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:31,960
What?
'Who's that?

254
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,960
'Is that one of your kids?'
What? No, what kids?

255
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:34,960
'The kids on Facebook.

256
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,960
'You have a lot of photos with
babies that look...' Nope, not mine.

257
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,960
'I assumed that...'
Literally no babies.

258
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,160
What are you, some kind of spy?
HE LAUGHS

259
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,000
'Full disclosure,
I did work for ASIO for 17 years.

260
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,800
'Should we meet at The Forum
at seven?' Brilliant. See you then.

261
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,960
"Not mine! No babies!"

262
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,960
I like to reveal you slowly.
Some men consider you baggage.

263
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Shit! Fine, I'll call him back.

264
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,960
'No need. I'm still on the line.

265
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,320
'That's all fine,
and nice to meet you, baggage.'

266
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,800
RADIO HOST: A bus has broken down,

267
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,800
closing a northbound lane
at Sydney Park Road.

268
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,480
It's just gone 9am.
We hope you have a great Wednesday.

269
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
It's just gone 5pm.

270
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,960
Traffic's running smoothly
on your way home,

271
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:43,960
so not as bad a day...

272
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
TALIA SINGS:


273
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,960

Simoni is driving

274
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,960

We're gonna go get some dinner

275
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,640


276
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,960
TEXT CHIME
Stop it!

277
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,960
Don't text and drive!
It's actually safer.

278
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,960
Otherwise, I'm wondering what she
said, and I can't focus on the road.

279
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,160
Well, you've got precious cargo
on board.

280
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,640
Oh, we should get one of those signs
that says "supervisor on board".

281
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,960
Instead of "baby".

282
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,960
That was me trying to lighten
the mood.

283
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,960
How did it go from me getting you an
interview to taking orders from you?

284
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,960
At least I try and make them sound
like they're not orders.

285
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,000
Like, I'll be like,

286
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,960
"Hey, Simoni, could you maybe get me
a cup of coffee?"

287
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,960
Or, "Oh, can you change
the water cooler

288
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,960
"because that's actually
your responsibility..."

289
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,960
You literally said
all of those things.

290
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:28,960
I know,
but I try and say it with love.

291
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,000
Oh, at lunch today, I was playing
tennis with Lim... Sorry, Mr Wong,

292
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,320
and I beat him 6-1, 6-2,
but that's not the point.

293
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,960
What he said was that
if you hit your KPIs better,

294
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,160
you probably would've got
the job as supervisor.

295
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,960
KPIs? You don't even know
what KPI stands for!

296
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,000
That doesn't matter,
as long as you're hitting them!

297
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,960
Oh, my God, did you hear that?

298
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
I sound like one of them now.
It's mental.

299
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,960
SIMONI SOBS

300
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,960
Hey, hey. Here.

301
00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,960
SIMONI SNIFFS

302
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,320
Now, Sim, what I'm about to tell you
might shock you.

303
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,960
But I don't think
I got the job as dispatch supervisor

304
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,960
because of my ability
as a dispatch supervisor.

305
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,800
What do you mean?
It's because of my looks.

306
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,160
You think you're better-looking
than me? No.

307
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,960
No, that's not what I said.
Yes, you do.

308
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,160
No! I'm just fresh, you know?

309
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,960
They've seen you every day
for, like, the past seven years.

310
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,960
I'm fresh meat.
I'm straight from the butcher.

311
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,960
People at Kosciusko
don't think like that.

312
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,960
They take the job of supervisor
very seriously.

313
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:28,960
Yeah, well, maybe they do, OK?

314
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,960
But I'm privy to a lot of chat
you might not hear.

315
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,800
Like what?
OK.

316
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:35,960
What I've heard is that

317
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,960
Kosciusko might be being taken over
by Facebook.

318
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,960
By Facebook?
Uh-huh. That's what I heard.

319
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,320
Why would Facebook want Kosciusko?

320
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,960
Oh, was it Facebook
or was it Amazon?

321
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,640
Anyway, either way,

322
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,960
Kosciusko as a company
will not exist for much longer.

323
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,960
Wow. And I always saw Kosci as this,
like, big dependable teddy bear.

324
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,960
You know,
one that you might grow out of,

325
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,480
but it'd always be at
your mum's place if you needed it.

326
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,960
You know,
I thought that I would leave,

327
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,960
that I'd be the one to break Kosci's
heart, not the other way around.

328
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960
Just, you know,
you just don't expect...

329
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,960
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
Seriously?

330
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,320
Again, editing is a real thing

331
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,960
you need to work on
with these stories.

332
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,960
If we get bought out by Amazon,

333
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,960
I would just get into
professional cuddling.

334
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,960
You mean like those guys who wear
the "free hug" signs in the mall?

335
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,000
No, no, no, that's amateur stuff.
I mean, cuddle therapy.

336
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,960
It's clothes on,
no funny business and 250 a pop.

337
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,000
Maybe I could be your driver.

338
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,960
Like, your security detail
in case anything dodgy goes down.

339
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:34,960
Like my pimp.

340
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,960
Yeah! I could be your cuddle pimp.
Aw, thank you.

341
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:44,160
But just by... By looking at you,
I wouldn't say you were a fighter,

342
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,960
but I would say you're a bleeder.

343
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,960
Oh! You just made a big mistake.

344
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,960
Ha!
Ha!

345
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,960
Oh, my God!

346
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,960
I thought you would block that!
How did you not block that?

347
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,160
Oh, yeah,
I can see how this is my fault.

348
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,960
Oh!
Have you got...?

349
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,960
Yeah.
Oh, my God, I think I'm bleeding.

350
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,960
No, you're not...
Oh, my God, I'm bleeding.

351
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:04,960
I'm so sorry.

352
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,960
You're lucky
I'm such a good coagulator.

353
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,960
You know what?
You're a coagulator, not a fighter.

354
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,960
THEY LAUGH
I'm a clotter.

355
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,960
I am Harry Clotter.
Oh!

356
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,960
Ugh, yuck. Careful of hepatitis.

357
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,960
Ugh!
THEY LAUGH

358
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,960
Oh, well, looks like I'll just
have to stick to my vocation.

359
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,960
Luckily, the world
will always need delivery drivers.

360
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,480
THEY CHUCKLE

361
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:32,480
Saturday night,
are you up for something super fun?

362
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,960
Yeah! Yeah, fun's my middle name.

363
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,960
In fact, it's not. It's Rowan.

364
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,960
But Rowan is Welsh for fun.
It's not Welsh for fun.

365
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,960
There's an event on in town,
but it's formal. Uh-huh.

366
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,160
You need a suit. Do you have a suit?

367
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,960
Of course I have a suit.
So you're in?

368
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,960
Yeah, hell yeah, I'm in.
Yes!

369
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,960
Fantastic! I will let her know.

370
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,320
What? Who?
My mate, Carly.

371
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,960
She needs a date
to this swish event,

372
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,960
and she asked me
who the funnest guy I knew was,

373
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,960
and I said you.

374
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,320
Great, but I...
No, she deserves a break.

375
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:08,480
She's been stood up by
so many shallow dickheads. I just...

376
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,960
They all get freaked out when
they find out she's in a wheelchair.

377
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
Wheelchair?
Mm.

378
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:17,000
Right. Oh, I know what
you're thinking, and don't worry,

379
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,960
they've got ramps everywhere.
It's for the Paralympics.

380
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,960
Paralympics?
Yeah, she plays wheelchair rugby.

381
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,960
It's brutal. She's got, like,
shoulders like The Rock. Oh!

382
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,960
So can I tell her yes?

383
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,320
RADIO HOST: Quick update.

384
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,960
Traffic lights are down
on the corner of Blaxland Road

385
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,640
and Devlin Street at Ryde.

386
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,960
Police are attending
the situation now.

387
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:41,960
Any better?

388
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,960
I think the ice is actually
making it redder.

389
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,800
Shit!

390
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,960
I've got three hours
to be date-ready,

391
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:50,960
and I look like Luna Park!

392
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:51,960
Here's a tip.

393
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,960
Never be intimidated by beauticians
with accents in little white coats.

394
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,800
Yeah, I don't intend to conform
to society's beauty standards.

395
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,960
Anyway, I lie down, thinking I'm
getting a Brazilian, and she goes...

396
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,960
IN ASIAN ACCENT:
'OK, starting with

397
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,960
'the upper lip, are we,
Miss Movember?'

398
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,960
I said, "Actually, it's
Ms Movember," but it was too late.

399
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,000
She was already at me.
What's Gary gonna think?

400
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,960
Oh, Gary's gonna think
you got your moustache waxed!

401
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,960
It's a perfectly normal thing to do.

402
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,800
Stop freaking out like you haven't
left the house since the '90s!

403
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,960
I haven't left the house
since the '90s because of you!

404
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,960
It's your fault! Oh, dudes don't
care about body hair anymore, Mum.

405
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,960
Look at Vijay. He's a feminist.
He loves my hairy legs.

406
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,960
Oh, sure he does (!)

407
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,320
Vijay, take those off.
What's up, babe?

408
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,160
You love my hairy legs, don't you?

409
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,960
Aren't you just building up
for a wax?

410
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:39,960
Mum says the extra length

411
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
really helps pull
the whole hair follicle out.

412
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,320
Vijay, no, I'm making a statement
about the beauty myth.

413
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,960
Maybe you should...
HE IMITATES WAX STRIP

414
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,960
What?
It's science, babe.

415
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,960
Male arousal patterns
are driven by visual cues.

416
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,960
Men have a deep, primal urge
to mate with women...

417
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:53,960
What, who wax their legs?

418
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,640
Or get electrolysis.
Your body, your choice.

419
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,960
WHISPERING: Very feminist.

420
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,480
WHISPERING: Shut up.
At least he's kinda smart.

421
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,960
Doesn't he pronounce vegan "vagan"?
At least he's good looking.

422
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,960
RADIO HOST: All eastbound lanes
have reopened on the M4

423
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,960
after a truck broke down
on the Cumberland Highway off-ramp.

424
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,000
Happy days.

425
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,960
$300 fine, no conviction.

426
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,320
I mean, I know you don't like him,
Barndog,

427
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,960
but your Uncle Miles
is a little master.

428
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,800
No, I know you don't like him.
Don't...

429
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,960
Don't say that,
he's just done good for us.

430
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
PHONE RINGS
Shh, it's him. It's him.

431
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,960
Miles! Mate, that was amazing.

432
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you!

433
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
MILES ON PHONE:
'You're welcome. It's what I do.'

434
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,960
Like, you were just amazing
out there.

435
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,960
You were graceful like a swan.

436
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Like, you had the tenacity
of, like, a Rottweiler,

437
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,960
like a Rottweiler going a swan.

438
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
'I'm glad you enjoyed it.'

439
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,800
Oh, mate, it was thrilling to watch
you out there.

440
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,640
I can see why those lawyer TV shows
are so popular right now.

441
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,960
You should be on one. 'Yeah,
I've heard that before, actually.'

442
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,960
This feels good, doesn't it?

443
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,160
It feels good!
'We did it.

444
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,960
'Time to pop the Champagne.'
Oh, pop!

445
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
MILES LAUGHS
Yeah.

446
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:01,960
'Enjoy the victory, mate.

447
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,960
'Um, oh, and PS,
the plaintiff's gonna sue.'

448
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,640
Yeah. What?

449
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,960
'PS, the plaintiff's gonna sue.

450
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,960
'You see, that was the criminal case
you got off today,

451
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,960
'which is great news,
as we discussed,

452
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,960
'but the plaintiff's gonna sue now
in a civil case.'

453
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
But what do you mean, PS?

454
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,960
'Postscript.'
I know what PS means.

455
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,960
'Oh, and I should add

456
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,960
'that pedestrians only need
to be 50% in the right

457
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,960
'in order to collect damages.'

458
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,960
So am I gonna lose?
'Honestly? Probably.'

459
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,960
Are you still representing me?
'Honestly? Probably not.

460
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,960
'But I'll give you a number
for another $10,000-a-day silk,

461
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,640
'almost as good as me.'

462
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,960
$10,000 a day?
Like, if I lose, I'll owe 200K!

463
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,800
'That's only if you lose.' You told
me to pop open the Champagne.

464
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,960
Why would you tell me to pop open
the Champagne?

465
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,960
'To celebrate the victory today!'

466
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,960
This is not a celebration.

467
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,960
'Lukas, please remember

468
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,960
'I represented you for free,
and you won.

469
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,480
'A simple thank you would be nice.'

470
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,000
I said thank you, like, nine times
at the beginning of the call.

471
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,960
Goddammit!
I'll have to get, like, legal aid.

472
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,960
'No, you're not poor enough
for that.'

473
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,960
Oh, well, I'm stuffed, then.
I'm gonna lose my house.

474
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,960
I'm gonna end up living
in Mum's garage.

475
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,960
'Mum doesn't even have a garage,
Lukas. She street parks.'

476
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:16,960
Yeah, I know she street parks.

477
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,960
'Then why would you sleep
in her garage anyway?

478
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:19,960
'She has two spare rooms.'

479
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Because it's the vibe
of the down-and-out.

480
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,960
I'd be in a garage, laying my head
on, like, an oily rug.

481
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,960
'OK, I don't have time
for your garage metaphors, Lukas.

482
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,960
'Not after
I've worked all day for free.

483
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,960
Now, do you want the recommendation
for the other silk or not?' Yes.

484
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,160
'Sorry?'
Yes.

485
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,960
'OK. I'll forward you the deets.
And congrats again on today!'

486
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,960
Thank you, Miles.
'You're welcome.'

487
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,160
Don't you look at me like that.
Don't you dare.

488
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,960
So, it went well in court, then?

489
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,000
Yeah, he got a $300 fine,
no conviction.

490
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,960
But my lawyer reckons
I can sue him for 150 grand,

491
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
even though I'm 50% at fault.

492
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,960
Wow. 150K would be all right.
Mm.

493
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Did you have a celebratory wank?
No, I did not, Ned.

494
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:02,960
You remember Tara, right?

495
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,960
The one who liaises between the
workshop and the central office?

496
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,960
Oh, yeah, she's nice. I like her.
Yeah, she is nice. I like her, too.

497
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,960
We had
a little mid-afternoon interlude

498
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,960
up against some packaging
in the eastern warehouse.

499
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,000
Note to self, sex standing up

500
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,160
is not as easy
as they make it look in the movies.

501
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,960
Yeah, well, she is considerably
taller than you.

502
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,960
Yeah, well,
I was standing on an OHandS manual,

503
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,960
and I still managed to strain
a calf.

504
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,960
Hang on, isn't she engaged
to Dave from inventory? She is.

505
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,960
And Dave's one of your mates,
isn't he? He is.

506
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,000
But apparently, he doesn't treat her
like a sexual being,

507
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,960
whereas I was more than happy to.

508
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,960
Does she know you're married?
Nah, I told her Jess and I broke up.

509
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,160
And have you broken up?
No.

510
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,960
But we will have about ten minutes
after you drop me off.

511
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,960
Oh. What are you gonna say, mate?

512
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,960
I'm just gonna tell her
I want an open marriage.

513
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,960
So you're not breaking up with her?

514
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,960
That's the genius of saying
you want an open marriage.

515
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,960
She'll say,
"We're either fully committed,

516
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,960
"or we go our separate ways."

517
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,960
And I'll say, "Babe, I gotta be me."
That way, she breaks it off.

518
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,960
I empower her.
It's called "fenimism", Ned.

519
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,800
It just sounds like
you're empowering your inner coward.

520
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,960
Not many people have got the courage
to talk to me like that, Ned.

521
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,960
It takes a lot of "ball".
OK. Very funny.

522
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,160
No need to get "teste".

523
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,960
All right,
you can stop it there, right?

524
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,960
Or we can "nut" this out
if you like.

525
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,320
Just leave it there, Macca.

526
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,960
You've only got one ball.

527
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,640
I think Beyonce was so much hotter

528
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:27,960
when she was pregnant
with the twins.

529
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,960
You reckon?
Oh, my gosh, yes.

530
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,960
It's a shame
she couldn't stick them back up.

531
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,960
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